Goals Can Be a Form of Self-Harassment
Naval Ravikant said a goal is a contract to be unhappy with yourself until you get what you want.
I'd say it's a contract to be unhappy with yourself until you get what you think you want.
Productivity culture treats goals as inert instruments. Tools you pick up and put down. Subject to you.
An active, real goal is not like that. It's a force acting on you. And unless you're careful, you will be subject to it — for better or worse.
The goal to "grow my business by 20%" is socially acceptable. We can say it out loud. But if it's not driving "uninterruptible action" then it's not an active goal.
It's a desire you want to be a goal.
The goal to "be right" or "not be wrong" on the other hand... this is not something you consciously choose. But it's an active goal in control for many people, despite its ongoing costs.
Hidden, destructive goals like this are often trailed by an admission: I couldn't help myself.
In lifeguard training, you're taught to approach a drowning person with one foot extended — because a panicking person will death-grip anyone who gets close. You may have to kick them in the face to save their life. Or you risk becoming the second victim.
It's the same with powerful goals. Go in with your foot out, because you may need it.
At its best, a powerful active goal can be like a tailwind that carries you where you want to go. At worst, it's malware. The goal injects its logic into your choices until you’re convinced the logic is your own. You think you're calling the shots. You're not. The goal is calling shots while making you think the shots are yours.
Be especially wary of goals that require "hypoxic living," where you tell yourself the outcome will make the suffocation worthwhile. It almost never is. Holding your breath for years means you spend all that time not really living.
It’s a form of self-harassment, and it better be worth it.
This is why so many "high achievers" report post-fulfillment depression. The wave that carried them for so long — the tension of anticipation — crested, broke and is gone. And the aura of ongoing fulfillment never came.
It's not the goal but the pursuit that will define your life.
What's the point? Don't assume your goal system is made only of objectives you’ve consciously chosen. It is also fuelled by hidden forces that plant logic below your awareness.
To find your true "goals-in-control":
- Look at your intentions.
- Look at what you interrupt those intentions for.
- Identify the hidden goal that explains those interruptions.
It isn't easy work. But it's worth it.
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— C
Running this kind of analysis is harder alone. I work with groups of 7–12 CEOs, Founders and Owners who do it together. If something here connects to what you're working through, let's talk.