The Real Reason(s) you Do what you Do

Why This Post Matters:

Knowing the difference between being rational and thinking you’re being rational can close some of your biggest frustration gaps.

The Post:

We act based on what psychologist Alfred Adler called private logic.

Private logic is the internal reasoning we use to justify staying the same. It’s the story we tell ourselves to explain our actions—especially when we’ve convinced ourselves we “have no choice.”

Our behavior doesn’t arise from objective reality or a clean assessment of the terrain between where we are and what we say we want.

It arises from the stories we’ve found a way to believe—because those stories allow us to stay in familiar mental and emotional states.

Personal Example: Cognitive Work

Most of my natural behaviors fall under the category of cognitive work. That’s a fancy way of saying: I think a lot. Specifically, I try to “figure things out.”

But I don’t do that because each situation logically calls for thought.

I do it because I try to turn every situation into a problem that can be solved through thinking.

It’s the hammer seeing everything as a nail.

It’s the tail wagging the dog.

I’m not being rational. I’m not choosing thinking because it’s the best tactic for this terrain. I’m making the terrain conform to my preferred tactic.

What to Look For:

Start identifying your own patterns. Recognize that any pattern is dumb, technically speaking—unless it’s selected consciously for this specific problem based on this specific context.

What’s your default?

When pressure rises, what do you tend to do?

Now ask:

Is that tendency useful?
When is it not?
How will you know which state you’re in—useful or dysfunctional?
What are the signals you’re selecting the pattern, vs. the pattern selecting you?

Common Default Tendencies

1. Storytelling

Under stress, you generate more explanation.

“I didn’t do what you expected because… [insert story here].” The more emotional pressure, the more elaborate the narrative.

2. Emotional Force

You use words or emotions to shift how others feel, hoping to influence their behavior.

“You’re not going to leave me all alone, are you?”

3. Obstacle Finding

You start compiling reasons not to continue.

“I didn’t quit. I had no choice.” It’s a form of emotional insulation.

4. Villain Manufacturing

You become increasingly aware of how inappropriate someone else’s actions are.

“I can’t believe Person A did Thing B.”

The outrage can become its own relief valve—or a pretext for using emotional force.

5. Compulsive Action

You react by doing more and more of something—anything.

This is the counterpart to my own pattern of compulsive thinking. Action is often more useful than thought. But not always.

The gold standard isn’t action. It’s selected action—chosen for specific usefulness, not driven by habit or overwhelm.

Key Adlerian Concepts (with my spin):

Goals are emotional attractions. They arise as implicit, self-evident.

“I want to make more money.” Useful follow-up: “What, specifically, do you expect money to do for you?”

Private logic is the thinking we use to justify the actions we already prefer.

That sentence contains most of the self-deception you’ll ever need to unpack.

Safeguarding and sideshows are what we resort to when we’re disappointed by our progress or current reality.

Application: Pattern Diagnosis

Pick one or two patterns that show up most. Often, your dominant one will be some flavor of these four:

Think and Plan – default to figuring it out.
Think Less, Act More – impulse-driven action.
Don’t Quit – double down on a broken plan. Not the same as #2—this is grit gone rigid.
Take on More – not chaotic like #2 or repetitive like #3. Just expand the scope:

“I’ll build electric cars and go to Mars.”

Then ask:

Under what conditions is this a good strategy?
Under what conditions does it break down?
What early signs can I watch for to know which zone I’m in?

Final Note

Be kind to yourself.

You only get this one life. Every pattern you’ve formed was once adaptive. Every experience you’ve had is part of the only game you’ll ever get to play.

So treat it like a game you want to win.

But still—treat it like a game.

Much love and good luck out there. ❤️

– C